By The Skin Of My Crooked Teet

I haven't cried in such a long time
But I've been thinking about it
Although it's hardly something to think about.

It's an action,
A physical display of emotion,
Proof that we're still human

But babe, I haven't been human for a while.

Although the hurt grows like a tumor
Between my heart and the outside world
I keep my feelings inside, tucked away

I promised myself I wouldn't write you a poem
I promised myself I would be over you by now
I promised myself I'd stop thinking about you

But half of the promises I make are lies
And the other half only see fruition
By the skin of my crooked teeth

So when you see me making good on one of them
You know exactly why I still read your journal
I keep you hidden in my mind like a refugee

I don't talk about you anymore
And nobody asks.
I hate every second of it.

Every minute without your voice in my ear
The love, the laughter, the lies
You were good and bad for me at the same time

I know that I'm an idiot for reminiscing
About the moments where there was nothing between us
Not cotton, polyester or plastic, just skin

You always had the better poker face
And I always was more sentimental.
I loved you like I love air

Life's been good since I left you
I discovered the stage and hit ground running
Still, you linger in my memory

Like a bad bruise that's healed
But still hurts when you touch it
That's how it feels to remember you

Whenever I settle into bed at the end of the day
Whenever my mind wanders on the highway during a long drive
Whenever I aimlessly search the internet late at night

My thoughts return to you.
On your back, on the floor of your lakeside condo
Your adorable, nervous smile

The feeling of feeling happiness again
The cold night air, fogged car windows
It all comes rushing back

And as all the reasons why I feel the way I do
Become so prominent in my mind
The reasons why we failed get more distant

The hurt, the anguish, the cruelty
An insecure girl lashing out
I forget how vicious you can be

I'm so twisted inside, darling
And my pride won't let me dial your number
But I want you to know that things are better

I want to leave you with a thought
Something to think about on your plane to NYC
I just want you to know

That I don't hate you, but I haven't yet forgiven
And that you have no idea what true addiction is
Until you've seen your roommate strung out

Wrecked, defeated, begging for money
Offering you anything for a twenty dollar bill
No PSA could ever beat the image burned inside my eyelids

You could never talk to me again,
But just know that I always try to make the right decision
And that I'm still smiling about last June.